The Avon Foundation is the world’s largest corporate-affiliated philanthropy dedicated to improving the lives of women and their families, with a focus on breast cancer and domestic violence.
Through the end of 2007, Avon philanthropic efforts around the world have raised and donated more than $580 million for causes that are important to women.
In 2004, the Avon Foundation launched its Speak Out Against Domestic Violence initiative. One of the educational pamphlets they’ve created is called You Are Not Alone: Domestic Violence Resource Guide. I found this information so valuable, that I’ve created a 3 part series of posts to share some of it with you.
The Avon Foundation's "Speak Out Against Domestic Violence" video.
Part 1 – What Is Domestic Violence
Part 2 – Children Of Domestic Violence
Part 3 – Domestic Violence In Teen Dating
Part 3 – Dating Abuse Among Young Adults and Teens
Dating abuse is the emotional, psychological, verbal, sexual, and physical abuse by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
As with domestic violence, dating abuse is about power and control over the victim. It affects young adults and teens of every race, religion, education, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic level.
Warning Signs
The warning signs for dating abuse among a younger population are similar to those for domestic violence. The dynamics can be slightly different and more difficult as young adults and teens generally do not have experience with dating relationships, want independence from their parents, and may romanticize abusive behavior and confuse it with love.
Parents need to pay close attention to their daughters’ and sons’ relationships, and look for problematic patterns including the following, although not all of these patterns will always be present:
Constant Communication
The boyfriend (or girlfriend) constantly calls or text messages and must be called back immediately. He constantly needs to know where your child is and what your child is doing.
Isolation
The boyfriend (or girlfriend) gets upset when your child spends time with friends and family, and makes her feel guilty she is not spending more time with him. Your child looses interest in activities she enjoys.
Jealousy Issues
The boyfriend (or girlfriend) becomes extremely jealous when your child talks to someone else, or someone else pays attention to her.
Name Calling and Criticism
The boyfriend (or girlfriend) calls your child names and criticizes the way she looks, her clothing or hairstyle.
Violent Behavior
The boyfriend (or girlfriend) has a quick temper. Your child sometimes feels afraid and unsafe around him.
Emotional Changes
The boyfriend (or girlfriend) treats your child in a way that makes her feel sad, lonely and desperate. Your child might be upset all the time, lash out at others and cry a lot.
Making Excuses
Your child makes excuses and apologies for the behavior of her boyfriend (or girlfriend).
Physical Signs
You notice bruises, scratches and other injuries that cannot quickly and easily be explained, or the explanation does not make sense.
What Parents Can Do To Help
There are many reasons young adults (and teens in particular) may not tell their parents and friends about the abuse they are experiencing in their relationship.
- They may believe that being in the relationship is the most important thing in their lives and they’re afraid the parent will break up the relationship.
- They may convince themselves the abuse is their fault and that their parents will blame them or be disappointed.
- They may be confused or even ashamed about the relationship.
Talking to your child about relationships can be difficult. Here are some tips that may help you connect:
Teach Self-Respect
Teach your kids that no one in a relationship has the right to tell them who to see, what to do, or what to wear. Teach them that no one has the right to hit or control anyone else.
Be a good role model for your child. Talk to your kids about your expectations of how to treat others and to be treated in all relationships. Always emphasize respect.
Listen
Allow your child to talk openly with you and give her your undivided attention. Listen quietly to the whole story. Be open to all questions your child asks.
Don’t criticize, judge, or jump to conclusions when she asks questions about relationships. Encourage her to talk to you any time.
Talk
Look for opportunities, such as news stories and TV shows, to talk to your kids about healthy relationships. Talk about the warning signs of abuse, as well as the qualities of healthy relationships, such as compromise, communication, loyalty and respect.
Keep in mind that short, unplanned talks may be more effective than a long discussion.
Domestic Violence Statistics
Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest per capita rates of partner violence – nearly 20 per 1,000 women. *
Those who experience dating violence are more likely to participate in binge drinking, fighting and/or smoking, and are at an increased risk of suffering from mental illness. **
Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup. ***
Resources for Victims of Dating Abuse
If you have a child or friend who is in an abusive dating relationship, the organizations listed here will have information and resources to help.
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
The opportunity to speak one-on-one with a trained Peer Advocate who can offer support and connect you to resources 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
1-866-331-9474
www.loveisrespect.org
Break The Cycle
This web site engages, educates, and empowers youth to build lives and communities free from domestic and dating violence.
www.breakthecycle.org
Choose Respect
This is an initiative to help adolescents, ages 11 to 14, form healthy relationships and prevent dating abuse before it starts. This national effort is designed to motivate adolescents to challenge harmful beliefs about dating abuse and take steps to form respectful relationships.
www.chooserespect.org
National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
This web site contains fact sheets on a broad range of violence topics that affect teens. Each fact sheet has an introduction, what you can do, and helpful links to resources.
www.safeyouth.org
Teen Action Campaign
Developed by the Family Violence Prevention Fund, this web site explains how to help a friend who is experiencing or committing intimate partner violence. It includes specific tips for victims and abusers.
www.seeitandstopit.org
Don’t Miss The Rest Of This 3 Part Series On Domestic Violence
* Bureau of Justice Special Report, Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000
** Seave, P., & Lockyer, B. (2004). Teen Dating Violence. Office of the Attorney General and the Crime and Violence Pervention Center, WestEd.
*** Liz Claiborne, Inc., Teen Relationship Abuse Research, February 2005
